Bikini State: Film

Showing posts with label Film. Show all posts

Friday, 1 January 2016

NEW FILM NEWS

In a surprise statement, the ARTS-GOV computer has announced that, from now on, all British films must star Laurence Harvey. The Lithuanian born actor was unavailable for comment, having died in 1973.

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WHAT IS THIS?

Last year, I thought I was going mad. I was jittery as hell and obsessed with self-defence and weaponry. Imagine my relief when I came to the conclusion that I was relatively okay, but was actually experiencing the effects of a NATIONAL nervous breakdown. In that moment I understood that the UK is heading inexorably towards a crisis. Actually, we are heading towards THE CRISIS, a state of existential peril that will permanently close off our past and signal the start of a new world, a new way of life. Have no illusions, this post-Crisis life will be terrible, even worse than now, even worse than the end of the film 'Konga', when a massive gorilla reverts to being a chimpanzee as it dies.

Bikini State is here to help you but, mainly, it's here to help me. Enjoy it while you can, after The Crisis we're all on our own.